15. She Is Joy
I spoke her name and felt the weight
Of all the selves I had to break.
I bled the silence from my skin—
And that's the day Joy walked in.
[VERSE 1]
Courtroom clock ticks—two years, bureaucratic snare.
Judge says my name—chest sparks, I choke on air.
You're changing your name… why?
"Every scar on my skin is the reason she died."
I say—She was a firewall, trauma-wired, built to survive.
So I burned the martyr in her paper gown.
Joy is the voice that tears it down.
Published in the paper like an obituary vow.
Filed the ghost in the ledger, red ink sealed her tomb.
Held the ache like a relic—pressed beneath skin's costume.
She was the hush, the ache, the void.
I look in the mirror, say, "Hi, I'm joy."
I thank the eyes that stayed, that tried—
I hold my own gaze—I don't hide.
I have to die so I can live.
Joy is the body that the ghost can't steal.
[PRE-CHORUS]
Loui is the crow—mirror-marked, feather-spine, grief-defined.
Joy is the marrow—flesh and flame, truth realigned.
Both names mine—inked in my skin.
No more split, no more lost—I live within.
Two voices born from the ghost I bled.
Call me Loui when the speaker shakes,
When beat breaks open and the mirror speaks.
[CHORUS]
Mirror, mirror on the wall—who braved the storm and didn't fall?
She is Joy—no need to shrink, no break, no crawl.
Mirror, mirror on the wall—who sank so deep, then kicked back out?
She is Joy—grew roots in wounds they once used to keep her bound.
Mirror, mirror on the wall—who faced the dark when no one stayed?
She is Joy—she walked through fire and came out unafraid.
She is Joy—she owns the silence even when no one comes.
She is Joy—takes up space, no longer playing dumb.
[VERSE 2]
I say no when the ask is a bruise in disguise.
I don't twist anymore just to keep their lies alive.
She was the darling of polite decay,
Smiling sweet while she slipped away.
Marrow in the mask of bone, the hidden brace.
Stored the terror in the joints, in the pelvic space.
Walked on needles in a gilded vase.
Etched the hurt in an angel's face.
Mapped my exit wounds in the shape of my feet,
Clenched the scream down beneath my teeth.
Sarah kept me "safe" by erasing my sound.
Marrow held the scream and it weighed me down.
Both had to burn to let Joy arrive.
Silence is sweeter than counterfeit ties.
[CHORUS]
Mirror, mirror on the wall—who braved the storm and didn't fall?
She is Joy—no need to shrink, no break, no crawl.
Mirror, mirror on the wall—who sank so deep, then kicked back out?
She is Joy—grew roots in wounds they once used to keep her bound.
Mirror, mirror on the wall—who faced the dark when no one stayed?
She is Joy—she walked through fire and came out unafraid.
She is Joy—she owns the silence even when no one comes.
She is Joy—takes up space, no longer playing dumb.
[VERSE 3]
I break outward—the marrow is me.
She bent inward, collapsed at the knee.
I rise upward, stand tall in my name.
She blinked backward, her gaze slipped away.
I shine outward, thank myself every day.
She froze inward, reflection sharp as a blade.
Kept me moving through the room with a frozen face,
Every nerve on fire but it left no trace.
I laugh loud—Now I like my life.
Pain was prison, pills piled high.
I plant-fed body, I rise, I fly.
Palms open wide, I shape my sky.
This joy can't shrink—it built itself.
I cut that script—I chose myself.
My hips don't flinch like they used to do.
I walk full-form—this body's new.
[CHORUS]
Mirror, mirror on the wall—who braved the storm and didn't fall?
She is Joy—no need to shrink, no break, no crawl.
Mirror, mirror on the wall—who sank so deep, then kicked back out?
She is Joy—grew roots in wounds they once used to keep her bound.
Mirror, mirror on the wall—who faced the dark when no one stayed?
She is Joy—she walked through fire and came out unafraid.
She is Joy—she owns the silence even when no one comes.
She is Joy—takes up space, no longer playing dumb.
[OUTRO]
She is Joy—the story told.
The name reborn from burn and cold.
I light this song, I kiss the page—
She is Joy. And I am saved.
She is Joy.
She is Joy.
