🖤 I’m Loui.

Sarah was my first name. I laid her to rest with love — she carried me across. She held the weight of fibromyalgia, body-dysmorphia, cluster headaches, hives, bulimia, IBS, PTSD, insomnia, nightmares, and more. She lived inside a body that never stopped screaming. She was the “good girl” who openly wanted to die. She dreaded mornings. She wanted to stay asleep.

So I killed her.
And in killing her, Joy rose.

That’s the funeral I wrote. That’s the self‑slain woman at the center of my work — the one who willingly let her old self die so something truer could live.

I live in Omaha, Nebraska. I’m a disabled veteran of the Air Force. I stay home with my husband and son. Safety lets me burn. Safety lets me speak. I wrote a song for my husband on the GORGEOUS album called “Unicorn” — his love made this resurrection possible. I also wrote him another song in , and

🔥 Why I Create

I earned a quiet life. I could stay hidden. But others still live in silence, self-hate, grief, and rage with no where to go. So I make rage rituals. I dig with my rake into the dirt of my lineage, pulling up grief that was buried alive. I record mirror work. I do magick rituals. I bury my ghosts and make music of their eulogies. That’s the FVNERAL work.

The crow is my witness. She circles the field. She never looks away. When I scream, she carries the sound.

This music helps me every day. If it helps one person kill the version of themselves that wants to die — if it helps someone else see a way out — the sharing was worth it.

🎧 The Accidental Arc (How the Albums Chose Themselves)

I planned none of this. The dates chose themselves. I just kept walking.

GORGEOUS – the scream, the excavation, the first time I named what happened. I needed to be angry. This whole album comes with a trigger warning. It dissects my experience on sexual assault, religious marital abuse, PTSD, suicide ideations, escort work, how I hurt others, and more. It’s not light listening.

INTERLVDE & BYRDS – the pause, the breath, my nervous system learning to move again. They arrived while I finished FVNERAL. I can’t just bury. I have to breathe and play, too.

“I’m learning to lighten up along the way”

FVNERAL of False Selves – 22 ghost eulogies, 4 gates, 1 seal. I used the Major Arcana of the Thoth Tarot to walk me through the burial. Released on April 8 — the day Crowley received The Book of the Law. It felt like a wink for me.

Crow Family – inspired Lavinia Brown and adopting “external safe others”. Nuit, Hadit, Ra‑Hoor‑Khuit. The mother who holds, the father who ignites, the child who plays. After the funeral, I called in the family I never had. There are also brother, sister, and lover, in this crow family album.

Adore the Sun – from Liber Resh vel Helios. The four Resh adorations (dawn, noon, sunset, midnight) and the Song of Adoration from the Stele of Revealing. Released on Mother’s Day. The day I honor the mother I’m becoming. Each song begins with the original text, and then my interpretation of it.

🔤 Hebrew Letters in Song Titles (Yod & Vav)

I enjoy learning the Hebrew alphabet. Aleister Crowley pretty much requires it — his system of correspondences links every letter to a tarot card, a path on the Tree of Life, and a spiritual function. I am still a beginner. I knew more of it a few years ago. Then I had my son, and I fell away from many of my own practices and studies.

Now he is three. I have a tiny bit more time. I am bringing back magick, writing, and mirror work.

I use Hebrew letters in song titles as anchors. Y (Yod) represents a spark, a seed, pure beginning. I used Y in BYRDS because that album lives in noticing and arrival — many small sparks, no single structure. V (Vav) represents connection, the nail that joins things together. I use V in titles like VOW and FVNERAL, where the work carries weight, ritual, and embodiment.

These letters are not decoration. They are instructions. They remind me where each song lives in my body and my practice.

💧 What the Little Girl Wanted

When I was small and people asked what I wanted to be, I never said it out loud. Inside my head I thought: “I just want to make a splash in the world.”

I had no idea the splash would be a kitchen, a mirror, a voice seed, a crow on a wire. Seven albums in a year. Strangers crying to a song I wrote. A toddler meowing like a kitty while I write lyrics.

That’s a splash. A ripple. A wave that started in the dark and kept going.
A splash is just a drop that keeps moving.
Little one inside, is happy.

👻 The Ghost That Says “Slow Down”

I know its names. From FVNERAL:

• Hesitator – sees every path, freezes. She’s afraid of choosing wrong.

• Should – the internal critic I borrowed from people who never lived inside my skin. “You should be less. You should pace yourself.”

• Bracer – hangs and never releases. She waits for permission to stop — permission that never comes.

I get in my head sometimes that I am releasing “too much”. I remind myself, that’s the ghost. I am allowed to be seen.

🧰 The Tools

I write music for myself. First. Always. The songs are things I need to hear, things I’m working through, things my inner child needs to be told. I write for the woman I want to become.

I use Suno as my wand. AI is not a replacement. It’s an extension. If someone hadn’t told me about Suno, I would never have written music again. I live the stories. I shape every feeling. Then I let the tool give it a voice I could not produce alone. I seed the vocals from my own voice, and can create the most ideal soundscape I want. Right at my finger tips. Instantly.

I am not a singer. I never had the confidence or the training. I wrote lyrics in high school. Then a hard drive crashed. I lost everything. I joined the military. Trauma took over. I never wrote another song.

Suno gave Sarah a voice. That’s resurrection.

I can merge any instruments I want. I keep a long list like: prepared piano, bowed psaltery, musical saw, udu, rusted metal, glass bottles, a single distant cowbell. I copy and paste sounds together until the world in my head becomes a world in my ears.

I was a hairstylist, a makeup artist, a photographer, a videographer — because I wanted to control the whole picture. Suno is the first collaborator that never pushes back. It just says yes. I don’t have to compromise my artistic vision, or wait on others, or take suggestions. I can just do it my way, and I’m a picky scorpio and hermit. This is honestly my dream way to make music. I like having control over the whole picture.

Over the last year I refined the voice in Suno until it sounded the most like me. I record a short clip of my own voice as the seed. The tool learns my tone. Then I build from there.

I still dream of a vocal coach someday. I still dream of singing these songs live. But for now — this is how the music gets out. My inner child is grateful.

📬 The Guilt (Messages, Comments, Unfollows)

I sometimes feel guilt about the comments and messages I can’t reply to. People write to me — kind words, questions. Some wait months. I see them. I feel them. Then I close the app. Partly for mental health, partly because I am spending time with may family in-between all my rituals and song writing. I appreciate those who have left me so many kind words, even if I haven’t been able to reply yet.

About the AI criticism. Some people unfollow when they learn. Some leave comments: “AI trash.”
Some say “Why not learn to sing?”
“Why not collaborate"?”

I didn’t even start writing again until last year.
They don’t know about the hard drive crash. That I pursued flute and military to make someone else happy. The years of trauma and silence. The girl who didn’t want to live and couldn’t look in the mirror. The inner child who never got to sing.

The mean comments used to sting, now I’m learning notice it and let it pass.

And through all of it — the guilt, the criticism, the unfollows, the lack of interest from people around me — one truth stays: Sarah now has a voice. She sings. She never could before. That’s worth every dropped follower.

The crows that stay — will see proof that someone else survives her own insides. My hubby reminds me, I am not a customer service bot. I am a crow on a wire.

🌀 What My Husband Said

One day recently I told him I worried about doing too much — flooding the market, being too prolific, releasing too fast.

He looked at me and said: “Flood the fucking music market.”

That’s the best permission I’ve ever received. Just flood. Let it come.

People complain about AI flooding the market — 75,000 songs a day, much of it spam. I’m not spam. I’m a lyricist who found a tool. A fire hydrant of songs born from a hard drive crash, a military trauma, a voice seed, and a little girl who just wanted to make a splash.

👻 The FVNERAL & The Ghosts

FVNERAL of False Selves is my study of the Tarot’s Major Arcana — reversed. 22 ghosts. 4 gates. 1 protection seal (The LBRP). 27 songs total. Each song buries a false self I built to survive. Hesitator, Deflector, Escapist, Smotherer, Commander, Gatekeeper, Split, Rider — all the way to Mimic and the Seal of protection at the end (based on the LBRP).

The album released April 8. It’s finished. It’s left my body. And now I’m learning what comes after.

If you want to understand the ghost concept, start with the Deflector blog — where I talk about the wand as will, hypersexuality as deflection, and the long, slow thaw into creating instead of performing. And, thats my favorite song on the album.

🗣️ Crow & Ghost: My Internal Theology

In my songs, Crow is my ideal self — the witness, the source voice, the one who never flinches. She carries Louise Hay’s soft steel, Crowley’s will without cruelty, Abraham’s alignment without hustle. She speaks the truth I am still learning to believe.

Ghost is my false self — the survival pattern, the voice that learned to deflect, escape, smother, control. She kept me alive. Now she receives a funeral.

This framework came from years of study: Louise Hay (self-love as medicine), Aleister Crowley (will as direction), Abraham-Hicks (alignment as allowing). And more recently: John Bradshaw (the false self), Pia Mellody (boundaries), Gabor Maté (the body as witness), and most recently Lavinia Brown (inner child reparenting).

📖 My Ideal Voices (Louise, Abraham, Crowley)

I love dissecting their teachings. I weave their language into my songs — sometimes a direct quote from The Book of the Law, sometimes a paraphrase of Abraham’s emotional scale, sometimes Louise’s mirror work turned into an inspired chorus.

Right now I am diving back into the Book of the Law. I have written many songs already inspired by verses in there, and I will write many more.

I recently discovered Mauvus on YouTube. She talks about rituals and magick with a depth I admire. She knows far more than me. I am diving into her content, especially the sun rituals. This is my season of keeping magick in my every day life — the Resh adorations, continuing the LBRP (and my MMRP adaptation), mirror work, noticing my breath. Small practices. Consistent return.

🌱 Where I Am Right Now

FVNERAL is done. The ghosts are buried. Crow Family gave me the mother, father, sister, brother, lover, and child I needed. I just finished Adore the Sun — the daily turning, the four Resh adorations. This is my daily practice again.

My new spiral is magick. Don’t be surprised if my new music leans this way. The songs follow my learning.

I found Lavinia Brown in the middle of a meltdown with my son. I cracked open and realized my inner child was jealous of how freely he feels. I’m learning that when I get triggered by his behavior, it’s because I was never allowed to act that way. The little girl inside me still waits for permission to be loud, to be messy, to be seen.

So my new direction is reparenting. Learning to be the parent I never had — for my son, Truman, and for the version of me who moved eighteen times before she turned fourteen.

Deflector is learning to yield her own wand. I walk with my will now. We’ll see where that takes me.

I have 9 more album ideas in my head. But many of this year’s albums arrived unplanned. I worked on FVNERAL for over a year, yet several others slipped out in between — INTERLVDE, BYRDS, and after that Crow Family, and Adore the Sun. So who knows what will come next. I stay open.

I keep writing. I keep chipping at magick, at mirror work, at the next song. Mostly I try to soften. To stay. To let the crow voice speak louder than the ghost.

I came into music angry. Now I soften. I practice. I return.

🪶 Why Loui Crow

Loui is not my legal name. It’s my artist name — the self I stitched together to finish the songs Sarah could not. A name with a beak, with wings, and enough room for my rage and my love.

Loui Crow is the witness‑self who guides me (Joy) through the wire, naming ghosts, breaking hinges, and returning me to my own light.

The name holds two teachers:

Louise Hay taught me that speaking love to myself was medicine — not vanity. She gave me a dictionary for pains I thought were random. She showed me my body was not my enemy; it was a map to my mind. She is where I learned rage and self love are okay and beautiful.

Aleister Crowley taught me that naming the wild self stops it from haunting the door. Magick, in his world, was choice in motion. The beast is my drive, my want, my pulse, tamed by nothing but truth.

“Are you riding the beast? Or is the beast riding you?”

One gave me permission to love myself. The other gave me permission to wield myself.

💌 The Life‑Changing Thing

People write to me. They say my music changed their life. They say I saved them.

I receive these messages with an open heart and a strange knot in my stomach.

Here is the truth: I write the songs I need to hear. I record the rituals I need to practice. I share the mirror work that helps me stay in the room with myself.

My music is changing my life. Every day. That part is real.

But I worry sometimes that people think I am more than I am. I am not a guru. I am not a teacher. I am a woman in a kitchen with two mirrors, a toddler, and a fire hydrant of songs.

If my words land in someone else’s ears and help them breathe — that is a gift. I receive it with both hands. But I did not manufacture their healing. I just shared my own.

So here is the only promise I can make: I will keep writing what I need. I will keep sharing what I learn. And I will stay small enough to be real, even when the voices grow loud.

Why I Share (The Breadcrumbs Before Mine)

I share because Louise Hay shared first. Because Abraham and Bashar spoke into the void before anyone knew their names. If they had kept their learnings to themselves, I would still be lost.

So I leave breadcrumbs. Just in case.

Where the Breadcrumbs Came From

My husband Justin showed me the Book of the Law. He taught me the LBRP, plant‑based eating, the Thoth Tarot. He held me through years of unraveling my trauma. He is a unicorn. The most patient man I have ever known.

He practiced magick for ten years in complete silence. No partners knew. No friends. No one. I was the first person he ever shared with. That trust changed my life.

I spiraled out from there.

He also came up with FVNERAL. Last year we held literal funerals for ourselves. We were both deep in identity crises. He called himself STARLON. He buried Starlon too.

I keep a soft spot for Starlon. This crow will carry out the funeral — just in case anyone else has false selves they want to shed.

We molt and grow every day. We are allowed to change. The hard part can be over. The good can come now.

STARLON thrives.
Crow thrives.
We can all thrive.

His breadcrumbs became my breadcrumbs. Now I leave mine for the other byrds.

So I understand when someone says my music changed their life.
Someone's breadcrumbs changed mine too.

Peer to peer.
Crow to crow.
Crow above me, truth within me, light where I walk

Make art in the mess.

🐦‍⬛ Crow Blessing

May you become the witness you always needed.
May you share before you are ready.
May your ghosts walk you to the gate but never back inside.
May you look at your reflection and never flinch.
May your shoulders remember they do not hold the sky.
May your jaw unlearn the habit of bracing for impact.
May you rest without earning it.

And may the next version of you arrive gently —
feather by feather, breath by breath, whole enough to stay, wild enough to rise.