2. Not What We Wanted
INTRO
I wrote this for the girl in my left eye.
The one who hid in the closet and learned to hush.
This is for the girl who couldn't speak.
The void is listening.
Watch me find my footing.
VERSE 1
I don't remember the whole story —
Just the corners I folded myself into.
I don't remember the fights.
Just the quiet after.
The way the air sat heavy.
The way I learned to disappear.
I used to fold myself into the shape of their relief —
Grind my edges until I disappeared beneath.
"good girl" on a leash.
"tough" in a cage.
They wanted a doll.
I gave them porcelain.
They wanted a daughter who would never ask why.
I wanted a mother who could look me in the eye.
She lost her teeth on her daddy's law, swallowed every word.
Raised me on quiet and called it being good.
I wanted parents who could stay with my feelings.
They wanted a daughter who would never break.
I thought they hated me, so I hated them too.
CHORUS
I couldn't be what they wanted me to be.
And they couldn't be what I wanted them to be.
I forgive you for not being who I wanted you to be.
I forgive you.
I'm letting it be.
I forgive myself for thinking it would be different.
Two hands reaching, missing the ground —
just the ache of a love that never found its sound.
This isn't what we wanted.
VERSE 2
She wanted a son.
She got me.
That was the first thing I couldn't be.
He wanted a legacy, a story he could leave.
I wanted a father who could sit with me and grieve.
He asked me no questions.
I had no answers.
Just a mouth full of silence and a lifetime of manners.
He never asked how I felt.
Just told me how I should.
He wanted a daughter who would listen.
I wanted a father who would.
He taught me to build walls, not bridges.
I'm still climbing over the barriers he gifted.
They got what they asked for.
I got what was left.
CHORUS
I couldn't be what they wanted me to be.
And they couldn't be what I wanted them to be.
I forgive you for not being who I wanted you to be.
I forgive you.
I'm letting it be.
I forgive myself for thinking it would be different.
Two hands reaching, missing the ground —
just the ache of a love that never found its sound.
This isn't what we wanted.
BRIDGE
I did what I could.
We did what we could.
It just wasn't enough.
Now I hold my own hand through the hard part.
CHORUS
I couldn't be what they wanted me to be.
And they couldn't be what I wanted them to be.
I forgive you for not being who I wanted you to be.
I forgive you.
I'm letting it be.
I forgive myself for thinking it would be different.
Two hands reaching, missing the ground —
just the ache of a love that never found its sound.
This isn't what we wanted.
OUTRO
I couldn't be the daughter they tried to raise.
And they couldn't be the parents who stayed.
So I built my own mirror, named my own face.
Let them off the hook, and give the little one inside some peace.
This is just the beginning of letting go.
