9. He Loved Me, So Why Am I Still Empty?
Trigger warning:
INTRO
My Daddy was conceived in violence —
his mother was raped at fifteen.
Born into a world that was cruel and mean.
Then came his stepfather. The bottle. The belt.
He learned to run from the hand he was dealt.
VERSE 1
Scapegoat from the start — the unwanted son of a beginning that no one chose.
Stepdad beat him within inches of death — his mother bruised, his childhood froze.
At sixteen, he grabbed a knife, put it to his stepfather's throat.
"Touch her again and you're dead."
The beating stopped. His stepdad fled.
Daddy built a wall around the boy who couldn't be held.
That boy became my father — a fortress in a shell.
He never learned to cry, so he learned to yell.
PRE-CHORUS
"I'm gonna get my stick" — never aimed at me.
Never swung at us, but the dogs knew.
Daddy did his best to pass the peace —
but you can't love right when your nerves are fried.
CHORUS
He loved me. He told me every day.
The words were there, but the feeling never reached me.
He loved me. So why am I still empty?
(He loved me. So why am I still empty?)
VERSE 2
Long after I left home, Daddy forgave his stepfather before he died.
He broke the cycle. He carved love in monologues —
held the hit in a knuckle-white bite.
Did better than his stepdad's fist. Survived the belt.
He tried to spare me.
But as a man who never got to cry —
he just passed down the ache he survived.
If he could forgive the one who beat him, why can't I let him be?
Even knowing his pain was worse —
the hand that drifted won't set me free.
PRE-CHORUS
"I'm gonna get my stick" — never aimed at me.
Never swung at us, but the dogs knew.
Daddy did his best to pass the peace —
but you can't love right when your nerves are fried.
CHORUS
He loved me. He told me every day.
The words were there, but the feeling never reached me.
He loved me. So why am I still empty?
(He loved me. So why am I still empty?)
BRIDGE
Daddy would tell me, "Others have it worse."
He walked through hell — I know. I know, it's true.
But that doesn't mean I didn't crack too.
And I'm still not fine.
CHORUS
He loved me. He told me every day.
The words were there, but the feeling never reached me.
He loved me. So why am I still empty?
(He loved me. So why am I still empty?)
OUTRO
Daddy broke the cycle — didn't hit me.
He just never learned how to be soft.
I still don't know how to let him in.
I'm still wondering how he forgave — and why I can't.
(He loved me. So why am I still empty?)
