1. Avoiding Mirrors

Written By Loui Crow
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Loui Crow - Streaming Everywhere


The Mirror Went Dark

If you go to the shadows to launch what you want,
go.
But most don't come back.
That was me. I almost stayed there.
The mirror went dark.

[CHORUS]
I don't look.
Avoiding mirrors — I stay off the hook.
Avoiding mirrors — Looking brings the past too near.

[VERSE 1]
I pretend I'm still asleep so the day can't find me.
My thoughts think themselves.
If my eyes catch the glass, my stomach sinks.
I bully me.
Call myself ugly. Call myself stupid.
My reflection feels like a stranger I failed.
I feed the hunger, then I send it back.
No one hears the gag. No one hears the sob.
I wash my rings. Brush my teeth with my eyes down.
I cancel plans. Don't answer texts.
My body is a rock. My will is a whisper.
The world feels like a fist —
I'm always in its way.
The mirror watches.
It shows me a world that never works out for me.

[PRE-CHORUS]
Others say "just think positive" — like I haven't tried?
The mirror waits.

[CHORUS]
I don't look.
Avoiding mirrors — I stay off the hook.
Avoiding mirrors — Looking brings the past too near.

[VERSE 2]
Pretty walks by.
I eat a burger, chew the grief down.
My body swells with every woman I see.
Each one a version I'll never be.
The trigger hits. My cover slips.
I'm not fine.
My body is a wound I keep reopening.
The hurt lives in my fingernails.
I shred at my arms.
Claw marks. Sometimes I bleed.
Cuts on my thighs, where no one can see.
Summer is a season I survive.
I won't wear shorts, don't wanna be seen.
Pain is my loyal company.
Baggy clothes, blankets, arms across—
I cover my stomach like it carries the loss.
Liposuction, new breasts, face scraped down raw.
The mirror shows me what I paid to become.
Can't look at me, can't look at my face.
The wound is old wishes.
I wish I was pretty.
I wish I liked me.

[PRE-CHORUS]
Others say "just think positive" — like I haven't tried?
The mirror waits.

[CHORUS]
I don't look.
Avoiding mirrors — I stay off the hook.
Avoiding mirrors — Looking brings the past too near.

[OUTRO]
I'm ready to look. I let the silence rise.
I let the tears come.

Loui Crow

I make music, practice mirror work, sometimes I do somatic rage fits, and small forms of magick that help me stay present and kind while things change.

I write songs for myself, my inner child, and for the woman I am becoming.
I work through old patterns, grief, and survival habits as I notice them loosening.

Sometimes I write as the Crow — that's my ideal self. Direct, unattached, protective, grounded in something older than my fear. Other voices come through too. The snake. The spider. The fly. The ghosts are the false selves I created to survive. I write as all of them, for my own self-hypnosis — unpacking who I've been so that my son can fill his days with joy and I can stop being such a reactive parent. I'm in the middle of it all. I just keep showing up.

I use Suno for vocals and instrumentals — the vocals are seeded from my own voice. I'm a disabled veteran and a stay-at-home mom.

Over the last year, I climbed an emotional ladder I didn't know I was on. Many of my earlier releases were the scream — my depression, anger, insecurity.

The last album that came out of that climb is called "Mirror, Mirror off the Wall." It starts with depression and ends with gratitude.

Much of what lives here carries the influence of Louise Hay and Abraham Hicks, especially the idea that my body listens to my thoughts — and that where I place my attention, my life follows.

I leave breadcrumbs in case anyone resonates.

Take what feeds you.
Leave the rest for the birds.

I am molting.
You are welcome here.

https://louicrow.com
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2. The Mirror Hissed First