20. SHOULD (Judgement)
Lyrics up. Blog coming. Check back soon.
Crow says:
"SHOULD is a word you were taught.
COULD is a word you choose."
Judgement Reversed
(Should)
[INTRO]
The funeral stalls.
Shh.
SHOULD built the cage.
COULD holds the key.
I don't reach for it.
I've been rattling bars
instead of listening to me.
I know what I SHOULD do.
I don't know what I COULD do.
This is the ghost.
I call her forward now.
SHOULD is me.
[CHORUS]
SHOULD on the wall
SHOULD in my head
Who's the judge of this?
SHOULD wrote the list
I read it back
Whose voice is this?
Not mine. Not mine.
Shhh.
(SHOULD)
[VERSE 1]
I disappeared in the doorway.
First I leaned.
Then I became the lean.
SHOULD is hungry.
It eats my joy first.
Then my desire.
SHOULD is an echo
of someone else's voice.
Something in me wants to move.
I insist on outcome
and miss the motion.
I believe I am not enough
the way others believe in God.
It's my faith.
It's my fall.
Perpetual waver,
internal war —
I judge myself.
Smother my own fire,
suffer and shuffle.
SHOULD says: "You forgot something."
I feel excitement —
but I turn away.
Crow says:
"SHOULD is a word you were taught.
COULD is a word you choose."
[PRE-CHORUS]
SHOULD — self critic
SHOULD — judge and jury
SHOULD — slow death disguised as discipline
SHOULD — voice won't let me begin
[CHORUS]
(repeat)
[VERSE 2]
The cycle bites.
I snooze the alarm.
I know it's time to change —
yet I stay the same.
"I SHOULD be further along."
Which feels like:
Where I am is wrong.
Ghost says:
"I SHOULD want what THEY want."
What I want is wrong.
SHOULD's list is long.
I'm the one it haunts.
I hear both voices.
I stand between.
Stuck between "THEY want this"
and "what do I want?"
Waiting for a sign that already came.
Staying small in the doorway.
Never stepping through.
Crow leans in:
"Whose list are you reading?
Read it again.
This time, start with:
'if I really wanted to, I COULD.'"
[PRE-CHORUS]
(repeat)
[CHORUS]
(repeat)
[BRIDGE]
What if SHOULD is just guilt
wearing a different face?
What if stalling is just fear
trying to keep me safe?
I don't need to hate the ghost.
I need to thank her
and let her rest.
Ghost, you kept me busy.
Now let me live.
Ghost says: "I SHOULD..."
Crow says:
"Finish that sentence.
Then ask yourself:
Says who?"
[PRE-CHORUS]
(repeat)
[CHORUS]
(repeat)
[OUTRO]
Crow reminds:
"SHOULD is a word you were taught.
Let your mouth forget it.
The aeon calls.
The world spins on.
Your stall won't stop it.
Let yourself choose."
Lyrics are here. The full blog — about the ghost, the tarot, the body, the blessing — is still unfolding. Check back another day. I'm still writing. You're still welcome.
🐦⬛
