7. Pretty Is A Death Sentence
Trigger Warning:
INTRO
One in three girls.
One in five boys.
That's how many were sexually abused before eighteen.
I read that in a book called Complex PTSD.
This song is for Sarah.
And the other quiet ones who carry a broken memory.
PRE-CHORUS
I don't remember what I don't remember.
Just this sick feeling here.
Even if nothing else happened —
this was enough to unmake me.
Either way, I never recovered.
VERSE 1
I am 7.
I am 10.
I am fifteen.
Same lecture.
He cuts my hair in the bathroom —
scissors scrape my neck like a secret.
Not allowed to wear deodorant.
No tight clothes.
Dress like a boy.
Avoid the male gaze.
Mom wants curls.
I fight her hands.
She thinks I hate her.
I'm just scared.
I want to be invisible.
I want him to stop telling me, I'll end up in a ditch.
CHORUS
Daddy said: "Pretty gets raped.
Pretty gets left in a ditch.
Don't draw attention to yourself"
Pretty is a death sentence.
I learned to be ugly. I still got raped.
Pretty is a death sentence.
VERSE
We were on a road trip, Mom and brother asleep in their seats.
I was curled on the floorboard behind him.
His hand drifted down from the armrest.
Fingers found my chest.
I froze.
The highway hummed.
The next morning, he asked: "We okay?"
My mouth said yes. That's what he trained me to say.
VERSE PT 2
I left home at eighteen.
The first rape arrived without pain.
Maybe the roofie.
Maybe it wasn't my first time.
Maybe my body already knew something my mind scrubbed out.
After that, I collected assault like evidence —
ten different men that took what they wanted.
I never died, though I wanted to.
I became an escort.
At least I'd get paid if they were going to take it anyway.
Afraid to say no to anyone, I just opened my legs.
PRE-CHORUS
I don't remember what I don't remember.
Just this sick feeling here.
Even if nothing else happened —
this was enough to unmake me.
Either way, I never recovered.
CHORUS
Daddy said: "Pretty gets raped.
Pretty gets left in a ditch.
Don't draw attention to yourself"
Pretty is a death sentence.
I learned to be ugly. I still got raped.
Pretty is a death sentence.
BRIDGE
I let them take me one by one.
The ditch was the hollow where Sarah died.
I made a home in the dark he made.
I was the ditch all along.
CHORUS
Daddy said: "Pretty gets raped.
Pretty gets left in a ditch.
Don't draw attention to yourself"
Pretty is a death sentence.
I learned to be ugly. I still got raped.
Pretty is a death sentence.
OUTRO
I am not pretty for anyone.
I am not small anymore.
The ditch is empty.
He doesn't own my body.
Pretty was never the problem.
His eyes were.
