Dear Loui: "I Say I’m Fine, But I Cry at Night"
✉️ An anonymous message from the Crow Hotline...
Dear Loui,
I don’t know. Everything feels heavy.
I say “I’m fine” all day long, and then I cry in the shower or in bed when no one’s around.
I feel like I don’t want to be here, but I also don’t want to die.
I just want to disappear.
I’m so tired of pretending.
It feels like no one sees me unless I’m helping them.
I don’t even know who I am when I’m not taking care of everyone else.
I don’t know how to rest.
I don’t know how to ask for help.
I just want it to stop hurting.
(Please respond gently.)
💌 Loui Responds...
Dear Just Tired,
Oh baby crow.
That ache in your chest has a name: abandonment fatigue.
Not because you were abandoned by everyone—
but because somewhere along the way, you learned to abandon yourself.
To be liked.
To stay safe.
To make it through.
And now that strategy is crumbling.
And that’s not failure.
That’s healing.
You keep saying “I’m fine.”
But crying at night is your soul waving a flare.
Not because you're weak.
Because you're finally safe enough to feel.
Let me say this clearly:
You’re not here to be useful.
You’re not here to be palatable.
You’re not here to be everyone’s emotional sponge.
You are allowed to take up space
without offering anything in return.
You don’t need to disappear.
You need a place where you don’t have to disappear to be loved.
And here’s something no one told me:
🕯️ Anger is not bad. Anger is next.
It’s the next rung up the ladder out of despair.
It’s what happens when depression begins to crack
and power starts to return.
But those who benefited from your smallness?
They may flinch.
They may beg you to go back to being “sweet,” “soft,” “quiet.”
Don’t.
Anger isn’t a flaw—it’s a flare.
Your fire coming back online.
If you need to scream in your car,
punch a pillow,
or throw a tantrum in your own sacred name?
✨ DO IT. ✨
And if you need to send me a rage rant—
if you need to shout where no one will tell you to “calm down”—
I’m still here.
In your corner.
Holding space for your holy rage.
You don’t have to be fixed.
You just need to be felt.
You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to rage.
You are allowed to be messy and magnificent at the same time.
I’m holding you here.
Feathers and all.
🖤
— Loui Crow
💊 Loui Crow Prescription:
One sacred rage fit
Two deep breaths
A handwritten note to your past self that says:
“I’m not abandoning you anymore.”
Refill as needed. No expiration.
You’re not broken.
You’re molting.
✨ Content is free—but crows like snacks.
